Wednesday, 15 February 2012

Stupid Spam

Sometimes I like to read through my spam folder just to think about how stupid people are. Sometimes I even reply. Check out this document I created all about my spam and the humorous replies I made to them.

Stupid Spam

1. Lottery

Ref No: BCL/1001A/2012
Batch No: 0417/CA1/2012.


The Canadian Government in collaboration with the British Government and the World Gaming Board are the sponsors of this on-line e-mail lottery program for compensation and grant for both past lottery winners and the entire world public for purpose of Infrastructural development as an
on-line compensation for all Internet users.

We happily announce to you the Special Global Promotional Draw held on Sat 02/11/2012, in Manchester in the United Kingdom and Ontario Canada. Your e-mail address attached to REF No; BCL/1001A/2012, with Batch No: 0417/CA1/2012 drew the Winning No: 07 12 15 23 30 33 with Bonus No: 09 for BC-49 ballot Draw under the choice of the lottery in the 1st category of bi-weekly six.

All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Website through computer draws system and extracted from over 10,000,000 companies and personal e-mail. So your e-mail is your on-line automatic ticket that qualified you for this draw. You have therefore been approved to claim a
total sum of 1,263,584.00 GBP (One Million Two Hundred and Sixty three Thousand, Five Hundred and Eighty four Pounds Sterling). In view of this, your 1,263,584.00 GBP (One Million Two Hundred and Sixty three Thousand,Five Hundred and Eighty four Pounds Sterling) would be released
to you by following the directives of the Royal Bank Of Scotland. Our London-UK Bank will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact their office. So you are required to forward the following details to our trusted Bank to help
facilitate the processing of your claims. You are to contact the Royal Bank Of Scotland for payment with details below.

Contact Person: Mr.George Williams.
Bank Name: Royal Bank Of Scotland
Tel: +44-701-113-9353
1. Full Names:
2. Address:
3. Marital Status:
4. Occupation:
5. Age:
6. Gender:
7. Nationality:
8. Telephone Number:

Remember, you must contact the (Royal Bank Of Scotland), to claim your prize, send your reference and batch number and payment processing form to their email address ( and call the office to
inform them that you have contacted them through email.

*Winners are advised to keep their winning details/information from the public to avoid fraudulent claim pending the prize been claimed by Winner.

Note: You are to send your reply to the Royal Bank Of Scotland immediately for the processing of your winning prize.

Dr.Joe Mason.
Promotions Co-ordinator.
BC-49 Lottery.


1. Sir Glark Of Islington.
2. 112358 Triangle Crescent
3. I married my dog.
4. I get paid $120,000 per year to sit here reading my email all day long.
5. 91
6. Other
7. Egypt
8. 911

I think if you want to send people a scam, you should try to make it a little less obvious. For example, here is my checklist for identifying if something is genuine:

a) The facts are correct
b) There are no grammatical errors
c) It looks crappy

First, a:

Apparently, I've already won. I know this isn't possible, because in Canada's Lottery License Terms And Conditions, 1.2 c. v., it states:

"...ensuring that these Terms And Conditions
of the License, the applicable Terms
prescribed by the Registrar, the Standards
and Directives prescribed by the Registrar
and any additional terms and conditions
imposed by the Licensing Authority are
complied with..."

Well, you can't carry any of those out, since neither of us  have imposed our terms and conditions, and therefore your "lottery" is null. Second:

There are many grammatical errors. Namely:

One Million Two Hundred and Sixty three Thousand, Five Hundred and Eighty four Pounds Sterling (Here, "four" ought to be capitalized.)

Contact Person: Mr.George Williams. (Wow. so many things wrong with this. (First of all, not a grammatical error, but I think "Contact Person" ought to be "Representative" or "Public Relations" or something. And secondly, I know this is kind of hard to grasp, but you can do it, yes you can! There should be a SPACE between "Mr." and "George". SPACE, understand? It's the button on your keyboard that's really big.)

And this isn't the only time you do that. You do it again here: "Dr.Joe Mason." Come now, just take english in night school or something. It's not that hard.

And finally, it doesn't look crappy. Any internet user knows that all government-run websites look like crap. I mean, awful fonts, terrible colour choice. If you were really dedicated to this, you might as well make the font this colour or something.

In conclusion: You aren't fooling anyone with this, so just sit back and enjoy your lack of money and the fake information which I so gladly provided you.

2. Dr.Vincent Cheng Hoi Chuen

I am Mr. Vincent Cheng Hoi Chuen, GBS, JP Chairman of the Hong Kong and
Shanghai Banking Corporation Limited.i have a business proposal of Twenty
Two million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only for you to
transact with me from my bank to your country.

All confirm-able documents to back up the claims will be made available to
you prior to your acceptance and as soon as I receive your return mail Via
my email address: and I will let you know
what is required of you.Your earliest response to this letter will be

Best Regards,
Mr.Vincent Cheng


Hey, Vincent!

That's a pretty professional sounding name you've picked out! Because you know, all people from japan all technologically savvy! But wait, Hong Kong in China! Darn, we've missed the crucial fact. Oh well, I can just ignore that. But, to business. Unless it's my mere existence you're asking for, I don't think any of my services could compensate for that huge amount of money from your bank. Who are you getting it from again? Anyway, it seems a little suspicious that you couldn't just show me those "comfirm-able documents" right now. And furthermore, it also seems a little mysterious that you said "from my bank to your country (which I dare not name?)". But for me, the tip-off is that your email is at, and not, you know, HSBC.COM? As the "Chairman", you ought to at least be faithful to your company's domain.

3. Alter Egos

Annette (
I've included the contact info because this is a crucial part of this.

Aloha, my friend
There is no remedy for love but to love more. My dear sweetheart, it is the middle of the day and I was thinking about you, as usual dreaming to find you one day. I want you to know that I will sincerely love the countless hours we spent together talking and holding hands. It means a lot to me. Mutual understanding, respect and love would be the main things that describe our relationship There would be looking back, no second thoughts and no regrets.
Our love will only grow stronger day after day. Sometimes life hits you
with unexpected things that take you totally by surprise. And I believe
you will be my best surprise and my capacity for love, caring and
understanding will never ceased to amaze you.
Bye for now


Hi, person! You seem really nice, but I'm not exactly sure who you are. At the top it says that you're Annette. Hey, Annette.
But then you use the greeting "Aloha", which would indicate that you're Hawaiian. So, blah blah blah romance romance romance romance A URL! AWESOME!
I visited this url, and it looks a little like a russian dating site! But I thought you were Hawaiian! Odd…
But then you finish with "Bye for now. suzanne".
WHAT?! I can't even comprehend the stupidity of that remark! You can't get your nationality straight, but now your NAME is inconsistent!

That's all. I'll post about it if I get any replies!

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